I thought I was going to blog about another app before I went back to information about myself… That’s not gonna happen LOL I was in deep thought this morning on the way to work.
Beware of LONG POST… Elementary, Junior High & High School hope you got a hour minute!
Funny how certain music makes me think of certain things… Well let me go back for a second. All the way back to elementary school (yep WAY back) and how out of touch I was with myself. Yes I was out of touch… I was totally lost during this period of my life this was the stage of “I will fit in one way or another” and I tried to do just that. The thing is I didn’t fit in I wasn’t popular, I was a loner. I had one real friend… the one person that everyone picked on at school. This is when I learned loyalty and how to be a real friend. When I was needed I was there and when I needed her she was there, that was pretty much all that mattered back then. At least until she moved away and I was starting all over.
My trust issues started at this point in my life losing the closest friend I had up to this point in time. You might think I am being dramatic but stay with me…
So school was school I spent my times there to learn not be AS social as I was trying to be initially. The only other close relationship I had in elementary was with a boy who caught rides with me to and from school. We would compete for the best spelling test scores and things of that nature. My mom would get us ice cream on Fridays if we did well all week and things like that. This ended up being the first boy I would ever kiss. Through influence of the older kids in the neighborhood of course… (who enjoyed kissing in elementary? YUCK) This guy I still know and ran into him maybe 3 years ago. Sad how you go from being a MLB prospect to catching some drug charges and never getting your life back in order.
I was quite the tom boy from that point on I liked my dolls but I also enjoyed rolly bat (if you never played rolly bat google it we did not have a field we played this in a cul de sac) and tackle football. (I still swear by my arm I am a beast at QB) So now I had friends at home… My evenings were spent playing with the neighborhood kids and beating up the neighborhood boys. (yeah my brother enjoyed this, their brothers not so much) I was not violent really I was just really into violent things football, wrestling, roller derby anything that was high contact!
Let’s move forward to junior high where I was placed in what they call the “Magnet Program” now. My mother wanted me in an “Open Program” so I was not limited to learning at the same pace of those slower than me. I was no longer at my home school with the neighborhood kids I was now in an environment of 6-9 grade. (back then this was not the norm 6th was still elementary school and junior high was 7-9) Ahhh a fresh start with new people. People who did not know anything about me… Again I had one close friend and a bunch of “associates.” I was going to try this having friends at school thing again.
My first and last in school fight happened a within a week of me being there. “Slap boxing” got a little serious and it turned to fist fighting during a fire drill… My thoughts were that I had to establish myself (prison mentality) most of these people went to school with one another in elementary and I was the outcast. I was not going to allow them to think they could run over me. This is yet another person I still know we are Facebook friends and became cool after the incident.
I think I came into myself most in junior high… I was a tall chick who was not aware of how attractive the boys found me because I was still figuring out who the hell I was. These were the years of first boyfriends and school activities. School dances and sports were the only things to keep me out of the house. WHY because my parents were strict you would not go out on school night unless you were at school for something.
Sixth graders really could not do that much, so at the end of that year I tried out for softball and volleyball and made neither. Had my first school dance experience oh I remember it like yesterday the longest most boring first slow dance with an 8th grader. Big deal to me then but now I wish he had not been who I had my first dance with. During my 7th grade year he said some really mean things to me some of which I still remember word for word. Here I am in the 7th grade at 5’6″ being looked at for modeling. (my parents wanted no parts of that) And I let this dude who is all of 5’4″ maybe named David Robinson (which is ironic cause the basketball star was big during that time) tell me “Light skin girls are suppose to be pretty, but you are the ugliest light skin girl I ever met.” (Another FB friend who has tried to take me out during the past 3 years) On top of all that my best friend told me she was moving back to Holland. I felt deserted once again for a while… I met a new friend that transferred in from her “home school” and we got close fairly quick. (guess I was filling a void of some sort?) After a couple of semesters and her parents divorcing she was leaving to go back to her home school though too. The joy was short lived although this would be one of the few friends that left me I would keep in touch with.
I could not believe this was happening AGAIN?!?!?! here we go lack of companionship in school once again…
What about male friends hmmm… They pretty stable, do not participate in drama enriched behavior (or so I thought), and they do not tell all your business so it was a win win. For the rest of my time in junior high my closest friend, who I now know had a crush on me, became a guy who I told EVERYTHING. I told him the guys I wanted as boyfriends and even the first time I had sex. He was a great friend to me until emotions got in the way for him. I remember like yesterday telling him that the new guy at the school was so cute and how I damn near obsessed over him. The new guy had offered me gum and of course I took it… NEVER chewed it though I am too sentimental for all that. I took it home it was placed in a memory box of sorts. I told my “friend” and months later mad at me for some odd reason he broadcast it for everyone in the school to hear. I ended up forgiving him but man how small I felt that day… We were friends till we graduated 9th grade but he taught me a valuable lesson… not to trust anyone with EVERYTHING!
Back to topic…
8th grade I did nothing constructive besides people watch, do my work and figure out my next moves. I tried out for volleyball at the end of the year and made the team this time. 9th grade I was the star in the school play, once volleyball season started I was captain, and I must tell you that my first game as a starter I caught a ball to the face. Nervous and excited really had me feeling like that ball was a lot lower than it was. I made the Junior Olympic team that year as well and played that in the off season. (Yeah I got to meet some of the real volleyball players that were in the Olympics that year as well) Yeah I was kind of a big deal…
High School I put myself in a position to start over YET AGAIN… This was self inflicted but I wanted to meet as many people as I could before college and yes I knew I was going to college in the 9th grade.
I returned to my home school for high school with all the kids from the neighborhood. The young lady from junior high who was sent to her home school was also here! Yaaayyy I got one of my friends back… Tried out for volleyball (slim pickings at my 60% black home school) and of course I made it, I was also was part of the marching band. These were done in the same season so I memorized my music did both practices and summer programs. I was still in Junior Olympics so with all of this I was RARELY at home. This was my goal in life… I still could not go out on school nights unless it was school related and on the weekends my grade reflected my curfew. YES 10th grade = 10:00 and so on and so forth. No I could not be ONE MINUTE late or I could hang up going out the next weekend.
When I was old enough to get a license I did… promptly at the age of 16! The same day that I viewed to be one of the happiest of my life my grandfather passed so I will never forget the day I got my license. Life went on I still had 3 grand-parents and 2 great-grands, I was blessed. I was always the first person at school in the first parking spot, the red chick in the red MX-6… my car suited me many would say. I drove stick and I drove fast (yes still kinda do just not as fast) no accidents, I was careful. I knew I would not get another car if I wrecked this one.
11th grade my volleyball position changed from outside hitter to setter, because our setter graduated. Imagine that the chick with the long nails has good hands? GO FIGURE! I still maintained my height so it was odd to have a setter who was 5’7″ but I was able to get under the balls just fine. I was back to being captain, I always enjoyed making calls. (See there is that QB thing again / control freak) Still marching in the band this would be the last year they would allow me to do both.
It was stated that this was “Not fair to others…” Really? I mean you had people at band camp in the summer, at practice every afternoon who did not know their music. I knew all of my music, play calls for volleyball and could chew gum and walk at the same time. Yes this upset me because it made me make a choice between the two things I loved most at that time. I would stick with volleyball and play in symphonic band.
11th grade was also the year my best friend was murdered… My trust level sunk to the gutter especially after learning it was done by a mutual friend. They say money is the root of all evil, I cannot disagree with that statement. I think she was killed for all of $200 or $300 dollars? Regardless of the amount the loss of her life changed my life FOREVER…
The murder of my friend also made my parents stricter they had less trust in the world than I did. So I went out to seek more activities… I joined the Keyettes because I figured I should be part of something other than sports activities and band. Oh yeah for kicks (since I was sick during mascot tryouts) I tried out for cheerleader. YES me the not so girly type at that point in my life. Of course I did not make it…
By the end of my senior year we had the worst volleyball team in the Charlotte and I was dicked out of being All-Conference. (I thought nothing of it but some of the black coaches from other high schools made a big deal out of it) My stats were great even though the team sucked. I could dig with the best of them, I would not have kills because I was a setter and well I probably had the best serve in Charlotte. (The only thing you could get between the net and my ball was dental floss) Oh yeah remember that ball I caught to the face… The girl who served that ball was now on my team. Yeah I had one of those “I remember you moments” sweet girl just like the majority of the team. The skill level just was not there, most just didn’t have the coaching and experience I had gained.
I applied to 2 HBCU’s instead of the 2 schools I said I would attend at previous points in my life. I did not even apply to NC State which I had swore would be my school when I was little. Nor did I apply to UNCC that I was considering attending with my best friend who was murdered. I can’t even explain to you why I even did this. I am sure the whole plan on staying in Charlotte and getting an apartment going to UNCC would have made me think of my best friend and I really had issues with her being gone. After being interrogated by local cops for hours on a school night about a murder of someone I loved dearly and clearly I knew nothing about… I hated cops and I hated Charlotte so I wanted out. I was already hurt enough finding out she was actually dead after being missing for months. The kicker in all of this is the guy who killed her told me she ran away. Which was not really all that farfetched she had a really crappy home life…
So I applied at Winston Salem State (The only school anyone had attended and finished from my family) and Fayetteville State. Neither of which I knew anything about besides they were “black” schools. After being accepted at both I had college visits with both.
While at Winston I got to see my relatives name in hanging in the gym. Felt kinda good seeing his name, my middle name came from his first. He was drafted into the NBA (the sport I struggle to watch when not in person) and played for the Supersonics. Toward the end of that visit they told me I should try basketball it would be the only way I could get a scholarship through sports… Women have to play two sports to see any money there.
I then went to Fayetteville State military town almost 4 hours from home. (this sounds good already) Toured the school attended a football game. I was offered a Chancellors scholarship here which was partial grades and partial community service… I frowned a little then heard them out. All I had to do was maintain my grades and play volleyball, wait VOLLEYBALL is community service? I was all in… I was feeling myself and in a town full of men in uniform who would pass that up?
College will have to have its own post that 4 years was quite a turning point for me. I majored in Criminal Justice (ironic right remember I HATED the police) with a minor that I ended up dropping so I would finish on time. I know more about North Carolina law than some attorneys but never wanted to be a lawyer… (Another topic I wish to cover which I call career prejudice)
Random Scrumptyousness 